Tales From the Crib

Welcome Leon Baker!

Born Wednesday, July 2, 2014 at Toronto East General Hospital. Weighed in at 7 lbs 7 oz and measured 51 cm long!

Quite the trip for mom and baby. My waters broke at 2:30 a.m. on July 1st and we decided to wait out the "dilation" process at home instead of rushing to the hospital. After a full day of regular contractions we realized my body was not going into its own spontaneous labour so we decided to head in to be induced with oxytocin.

We arrived at TEGH around 6:30 p.m. that day, got hooked up and started induction by around 8 p.m. along with the first of 2 epidurals.

And so the waiting game begins. A few hours later, I noticed that the right side of my body was starting to become more active again. I could lift my leg, I could feel shooting pains creeping up my back. Yes, I was experiencing the notorious "back labour." That has got to be the most agonizing sensation I've ever experienced...and I've had my jaw rearranged by a car and still feel that way! :-P

So, the anesthesiologist was called in to investigate and figured that the catheter needed to be pulled back a bit so that the drugs were more evenly distributed to both sides. An hour later, I was no longer feeling any epidural on either side and we were now dilated at 8 cm. Do you have any idea what your body feels like when it's been stretching something that WAS 0 cm to 8 cm? And it's shooting up your back? It was brutally awful. Unlike non-epidural births, I was not given the opportunity to progress through the stages of contractions and become "accustomed" to each. Oh no! Instead, I was dropped out of the helicopter in the middle of Vietnam with bullets flying all around me. Mark didn't know what to do except hold me and demand another epidural. "OH but the anesthesiologist won't be available for a few hours." WHAT?! This was unacceptable. Not sure how but the man with the needle showed up within 15 minutes and gave me a second epidural. This time, he got it right and I was dead from the waist down. This may very well be where a midwife came in extremely handy and advocated strongly for us to get that second epidural done. So I lay there in the bed as Canada Day fireworks shoot off in the background. Pathetic fallacy, perhaps?

Fast forward to 6 a.m. on July 2nd...everyone is trying to take a nap. I'm trying, too, but find it difficult with the beeps and Mark's snoring. The midwife finally comes over and tells me it's time to start pushing since we've reached 10 cm. OKAY! Let's do this! Even though I have zero energy left since I've barely slept since my waters broke the morning before.

The pushing stage gives new definition to the word "labour." I get it, now. I get why it's called that. It's frickin' HARD work especially when your energy supplies have all been used up. Midwives would tell me to push. I'd try but would consistently run out of steam by the 3rd one. I had nothing left. We did this for 2 hours. Leon's head was starting to become visible but I couldn't seem to push him under my pelvic bone. Babies have to pass under this bone and can sometimes get 'stuck' there, swaying back and forth. Think of trying to get your car out of deep snow...back and forth, back and forth but not advancing. The midwives informed me we had to get the baby out somehow and maybe a vacuum might be the answer. I did not want a vacuum touching my child's head. So, they went and fetched another doctor named Dr. Tara MacLeod. I already knew this doctor from a few years earlier since she had performed my D&C when I had a missed miscarriage 2 years earlier. Thankfully, we were meeting again under better circumstances.

Well! Dr. MacLeod was like the Bill Parcels (Giants coach) of birthing. Each time a contraction was coming on, I was instructed to take a big breath and push like I was taking the biggest poop of my life. (nice huh?) Given that I couldn't feel much on account of the drugs, this was challenging but I just focused all my energy down there and pushed like a mofo. "PUSH! PUSH! PUSH! COME ON!" she'd yell. Yes. Yell. I was being yelled at but let me tell you, it woke me up and gave my a second (or perhaps twelfth) wind to get through. I could feel enormous pressure in my pelvic area and suddenly, the delivery room erupted with commotion. 4 midwives and 1 doctor, all rapidly moving around the room, speaking quickly and doing God knows what. I was in a bit of a stunned state and Mark was up by my ear, crying and laughing at the same time, telling me "You did it, baby! You did it! Oh my goodness!" Next thing I knew there was this purply flesh toned mass of baby on my chest and I was instructed, "Touch him, mom. Touch him now." I put my hand out on this very, very warm thing that, seconds ago, was inside my body and now was on my chest, taking his first breaths and opening his eyes. It took me about 10 seconds for it to kick in that this was my son. My son. Woah.

I started crying. Mark was crying. It was amazing.

So, the battle wounds: 2 epidurals, an IV that kept coming out and made a mess of my wrist, 2 vaginal stitches (better than the perineal ones), massive swelling from front to back, and very wobbly legs from the drugs. All in all, I got pretty beat up but I'll take it and am glad it's over.

Because I was induced, we had to stay the night in the hospital for monitoring but were finally discharged the next day around 1 p.m. Coming home for the first time was quite the trip but we were both so exhausted that we could barely absorb it. I just wanted a shower and wanted to lay down in my own bed. I got that. I also got to have some lovely dinner with my parents before they headed back to Kirkland Lake, Ontario (7 hours north of Toronto).

Leon is packing on the pounds at a moderate rate and has a quirky little smirk that shows up every now and then. He sleeps about 3 hours at a time, eats about 10 to 12 times a day, loves looking at high-contrast pictures and has started imitating our faces if we smile or raise our eyebrows. He takes needles and pin pricks like a champ, is very sleepy and hard to wake up for feeds, and seems to be okay with his father's bathing techniques. :-)

I now have a new definition of the word "love" too.

Saying Goodbye To Pregnancy

I've had a lot of naive moments throughout my experiences with trying to conceive all the way through pregnancy and to this day, with a healthy and thriving boy. What can I say? I like to try and be optimistic and with that comes a few naive moments despite what people will tell you.

I didn't anticipate, however, the impending "discharge" that is soon coming our way from the midwives' clinic. Hadn't even thought of the fact that we'll soon not be requiring their care. I kind of welled up in the office today when I realized this and booked my "discharge" appointment. 

I cannot say enough amazing things about our midwives: Sarilyn Zimmerman, Deborah Bonser, and Maggie (student)! These women are so knowledgeable, so calm and positive, and so dedicated to their profession and to their patients. Mark and I have been going to see them regularly since November 2013. Our appointments were always filled with laughter and jokes as though we'd all known each other for years. Their endurance during my labour was something to be admired as they stayed through the night and into the morning even though some of them could have left as their shifts were over. They visited us in our home during the early days of Leon's life to check on him, on us, on life. They're a page number away at any time of the day and all of this is a free service in Ontario! Mark feels that if he were to come back in another life, he'd be a midwife. No surprise there given how much he loves babies and biology! 

So, we'll soon be saying goodbye to our beloved friends and medical practitioners and this makes me realize I'm saying goodbye to my beautiful experience being pregnant. Despite some of the uncomfortable bumps in the road that come along with producing a new life inside you, I wouldn't trade the experience for anything. It's a truly remarkable endeavour and quite honestly the most beautiful thing I've ever done. To feel a life thriving inside of you, wondering what he'll look like or what he'll be like. To stay so dedicated to prenatal routines, do's and don'ts and basically giving every waking moment to making good choices for your unborn baby...I'll miss this. And unless I decide to have another baby, I'll never experience these physical and emotional feelings ever again. Sigh. 

So, in no particular order, goodbye beautiful belly. Goodbye enlarged boobs. Goodbye feelings of sheer elation and joy. Goodbye heartburn and shallow breathing. Goodbye reduced stomach capacity. Goodbye pre-natal vitamins (highly recommend Platinum pre-natal vitamins). Goodbye cankles. Goodbye to all the attention you get. Goodbye second-guessing most of what you eat, drink, and do (welcome whole new level of it). Goodbye to mood swings and sleeping on your left side only. Goodbye to ultrasounds and no sushi or champagne or oysters. Goodbye maternity clothes. Goodbye no cat litter scooping.

Goodbye beautiful, pregnant me...hello gorgeous, adorable Leon! 

Welcome To 2 Months! 

Wow! Summer flew by. As we approach the 2-month mark with our little munchkin, I look back at those 60 some days with an array of emotions and thoughts. First of all, we did it! We survived the first 6 weeks without killing each other...although we may have come close a few times (jokes). Honestly, though, that was not easy and I can understand why everyone warns you of "the first 6 weeks." Between figuring out your new role as a parent you have to figure out your new role as a partner and that doesn't come easy for two people who are described as very independent and who like to run their own show. Butting heads was part of the journey but at the end always come that lovely thing called "compromise," which seems to be the backbone of any good relationship. 

Mark and I are in the swing of things but it didn't come without digging much deeper and finding that deeper level of communication, compromise and love. I'm sure there will be more digging to be done over the years!

Leon is thriving! He's a long, heavy baby full of life, sounds, and personality. I officially start my maternity leave tomorrow in the sense that I will be home alone with Leon for the next 10 months. Mark is pretty sad about going back to work but somebody has to bring home the bacon. :-) The great news, being a teacher, is he has the option of coming home fairly early in the day compared to most jobs. So, really, we're looking at about 7 hours a day without Daddy which isn't bad. Let's see, I can probably accomplish maybe 2 non-Leon-related tasks in that time? 

So we say "goodbye" to summer, "hello" to fall and many firsts for Leon as he grows over the next year. I'm going to try and savour every moment of it since I'm constantly reminded of how quickly it will go and once it's gone, that's it. I believe them. 

Today is September 1st. Today is Day One of this new journey of "Leon and Mommy" and I can't wait!